I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
