part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
