I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
