take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I need moral support for this bender
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
