I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
