Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
