there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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