Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
