I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
