You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
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please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
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I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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