yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
