I am spending my child support on dildos
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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