it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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