North Korea, Best Korea!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
