Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
