I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
