Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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