btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
