Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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