Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Gay?
German.
Pity.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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