He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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