He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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