dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
