You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
