I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Randomize
