He disabled his match.com account in front of me
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
