I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
