some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
