Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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