we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
