i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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