i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
