I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
