My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
