apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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