Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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