The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
