i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
