Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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