I got chris browned last night
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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