I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How does one acquire holy water?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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