you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
