Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
