I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
