I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
