I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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