i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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