Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
