At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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