I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
