Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
