I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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