once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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