Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
