Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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