I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
