I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
