Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i now understand why vodka
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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