K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
