Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize