sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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