i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm experimenting with sincerity
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Never joke about your clitoris.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
