You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
