no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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