Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
