So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I love having hate sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
how does that bad decision feel?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
