Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
