Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
