i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
