So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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