I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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