I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
