My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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