Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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