you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
