and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
