If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
