I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
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That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
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conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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