Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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