I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize