I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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