Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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